Relationship Status:
I left and I am rebuilding my life
Length of Relationship:
8–10 years
Types of Emotional Abuse Experienced:
Gaslighting, name calling, dismissal of feelings, isolation, narrative control, love bombing, alcohol fueled verbal abuse
Her Story
For years, I was told my memory was wrong. My feelings were exaggerated. My reactions were the problem. He spoke with certainty and confidence, and slowly I stopped trusting myself. He controlled the narrative so completely that I started repeating it for him.
I moved to a small town for his life, not ours. I told myself love meant compromise, but what it really meant was isolation. I was cut off without realizing it was happening. I stopped calling friends. I avoided family. I felt embarrassed explaining why I was unhappy when I had given up so much to be there.
When he drank, the abuse was louder. The name calling was sharper. I became the villain in every story. Then came the apologies. The affection. The promises. I would believe him because I wanted peace more than truth.
Leaving was not sudden. It was quiet. It started with packing small things. Making phone calls I had avoided. Admitting to myself that love should not feel like confusion and fear. I moved out. I moved away. I went back to the people who knew me before I became small.
What Helped
Going home. Letting people see the truth. Remembering who I was before I started apologizing for existing.
What She Wises She’d Known
That isolation makes abuse easier to survive but harder to escape.
That alcohol does not excuse cruelty.
That leaving does not mean you failed. It means you chose yourself.
To the Woman Still Struggling
You are allowed to leave even if you still love them.
You are allowed to go back to the people who miss you.
You do not owe anyone your silence or your suffering.
What Rising Looks Like
It looks like unpacking boxes in a place that feels safe.
It looks like laughter with friends who never stopped caring.
It looks like coming home to myself and not leaving again.
